Menopausal Mom Punches Pizza; Child Watches In Horror
Published: Saturday 19 May 2012, 4:13 EDT
SOMEWHEREIN, Mich (NOTKIDDING) –
One person suffered a minor meltdown after a frozen pizza would not fit into the freezer in a Michigan kitchen Saturday.
What started out as a mother daughter afternoon of bonding turned into a terrifying experience that shall not be soon forgotten by either traumatized party. While in the grocery store that afternoon, the teen, known only as Cheeky Girl, decided some new garlic bread she heard about on a commercial sounded good.
Once home, the mom, often referred to as Princess, pre-heated the oven only to notice it was not the must-have garlic bread but rather a frozen pizza – not what either one was craving. Rather the family was partial to Jet’s pizza – so the frozen pizza simply would not do.
It’s also important to include a bit of a back story. Earlier, the mom purchased some Gaba-Calm which is an amino acid that is supposed to have a calming or anti-anxiety effect on those who partake in the supplement. Princess, a somewhat absent-minded mom at times, kept referring to it as Kava-Kava, which is another supplement also associated with anti-anxiety. That is a key element in the remainder of this horrific chain of events.
Being ever so tranquil and agreeable, and knowing how much the teen was eager for garlic bread, Princess suggested they simply go back to the store and get said garlic bread. Before they returned to Meijer, Princess needed to put the frozen pizza in the freezer. Since they had just returned from grocery shopping, the freezer was well stocked.
No problem, and thanks to the agreeable mom, she merely started removing food items until she could make room for the large unwanted frozen pizza. After a number of multifarious attempts it became rather obvious that the DiGiorno Frozen Garlic Pizza (not Garlic BREAD) was not going to fit into the side by side freezer. Not because of the other food packages, but rather because mathematically the box was too stinkin’ big to fit into or onto any of the shelves.
With a flip a switch the menopausal mom started to become agitated; her pulse quickened; her jaw clenched. She barked, “What.the.hell?!” The young teen stood in silence and in fear, as her mother was not accustomed to cursing. In horror and in shock, Cheeky Girl watched as the melt down reached an apex.
More shoving, more jamming, more finagling before Princess screamed “THE FREAKIN’ PIZZA WON’T FIT! WHERE IS THE KAVA KAVA?!!!” And then she repeatedly PUNCHED, and JABBED and then a final HAYMAKER, until the frozen pizza found its rightful home inside the side by side freezer.
And just as quickly as she went from 0-60 in 5 seconds flat, the mom regained control of her senses, calmed herself, stood up from kneeling in front of the freezer, smoothed out her dress and calmly said to her daughter, in a hushed voice, “I’m sorry you had a witness that. Let’s go get some garlic bread.”
En route back to the store, once the teen was confident her mother was not going to wig-out again, she cracked a smile and started to giggle. The giggle became a full-on roar of laughter as Cheeky Girl yelled “WHERE’S THE KAVA KAVA?” The hilarity did not stop there. Throughout the frozen food aisles both the mother and daughter continued to cackle like uncontrollable hens to the point of near hyperventilation. Nearby shoppers looked upon their display of hysterics as somewhat odd.
If only they knew what had taken place less than 10 minutes earlier. Mother/Daughter bonding indeed. More Gaba-Calm please.
Names have not been released pending notification of family. No additional information is available at this time.
Laurie Laughlin: Funny Motivational Humorist Speaker
Laurie Laughlin, is a Funny Motivational Speaker who lost her parents and her home at a young age, lost a job that she truly enjoyed, lost her health, her entire life savings, and she even lost the ability to trust and to feel safe. But the one thing she never lost is her sense of humor.
With a degree in Homeland Security, background in lie detecting, direct sales, and stand up comedy, she now enjoys her days as a corporate keynote speaker.
In her most requested program about resilience, Laurie shows audiences how they can use laughter to push through difficult times to keep going despite setbacks and challenges.
Laurie loves her basset hounds, strong coffee, crossword puzzles, and witty banter.
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