I Hate Yard Work
Perhaps someday I’ll be filthy rich and have a gardener but for now as homeowner I’m stuck weeding, pruning, trimming and all that other nasty nature stuff. My teenager likes to drive the tractor, so she takes care of the actual mowing. I just get to do the unfun tasks.
Since I’m in the Over-40 crowd, making a fashion statement isn’t high on my priority list, especially while working around my own estate. I have some fabulous rubber rain boots that I like to wear while I’m working in the yard – white with orange trim with yellow, orange and green citrus fruit pattern. I also often wear dresses, which offer a nice cool breeze up the nether region and of course I have my garden gloves which cover my forearms, so as not to scratch my delicate skin. Got a visual?
One other thing I forgot to mention is that I take a pass on wearing britches. Not necessarily because I’m a nasty girl but more because I have a bit of menopudge going on and I’m just trying to lose enough junk in da trunk to actually fit back into my pantywear.
I Was In The Zone
The other day I headed out back, loppers in hand and started hacking away at that over growth. It was hot and I was in a hurry as the yard waste disposal truck was due to come by within the hour. I was pulling the weeds that easily ejected from the dirt, and chopping down anything green or brown that was in my way. I was bound and determined to fill up that yard cart in record time. I was in the zone; I was making good time when all of a sudden
YEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOW! What the hell was that? Did someone just shoot me in the arse with a b-b gun? Suddenly I felt like Forrest Gump who got shot in the buttocks. I threw the loppers to the ground as I tried to figure out where the sniper was hiding. I was twisting and dancing and the full moon was shining brightly. It’s just too bad that I didn’t have some music, a pole and an audience; I may have made a few bucks with that performance.
A Bee Had Bitten Me On The Bum
Owie, owie, ow. That smarts. Once I safely determined that I was not under attack I could see, correction, I could not see way back there, but I could feel a nice round welt arising on my ample booty. I needed to investigate further.
Back inside my castle I found a hand mirror did a few contortions until I could clearly see that indeed a bee had bitten me on the bum. And here all this time I thought “bet your sweet ass” was just an expression. Now I have the evidence to prove that I actually do have sweet cheeks. Aww honey-honey.
I like big butts and I cannot lie… You other buzzers can’t deny… Well shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake that healthy butt …Baby got back
Laurie Laughlin: Funny Motivational Humorist Speaker
Laurie Laughlin, is a Funny Motivational Speaker who lost her parents and her home at a young age, lost a job that she truly enjoyed, lost her health, her entire life savings, and she even lost the ability to trust and to feel safe. But the one thing she never lost is her sense of humor.
With a degree in Homeland Security, background in lie detecting, direct sales, and stand up comedy, she now enjoys her days as a corporate keynote speaker.
In her most requested program about resilience, Laurie shows audiences how they can use laughter to push through difficult times to keep going despite setbacks and challenges.
Laurie loves her basset hounds, strong coffee, crossword puzzles, and witty banter.
If you liked this post please Like, Share, and Post a Comment